Teens and Christ
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Lesson 5 of 5 · 7 min

How to Disagree Without Being Awful

Gentleness, respect, and the difference between winning and being heard.

The command

Peter tells Christians to be ready to give a reason for their hope — and in the same sentence, to do it with gentleness and respect. Being right in a way that humiliates someone is not obedience.

Practical rules

Ask more than you assert. State the other person's view until they say you have it right. Never mock what someone holds sacred. Say 'I don't know' when you don't. Distinguish the belief from the believer. And remember that nobody has ever been insulted into the kingdom.

Friendship first

Most people change their minds through relationships, not arguments — because they meet someone whose life makes the claim plausible. Be that, and the conversations will come to you.

Key passages

  • Always being prepared to make a defense... yet do it with gentleness and respect.

    1 Peter 3:15-16

  • Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt.

    Colossians 4:6

  • The Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone.

    2 Timothy 2:24-25

Reflect

Think of your last argument about faith. Were you trying to win, or to be understood?

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Where this came from

We're not experts — these are the sources we used while researching this page. Read them yourself, keep digging, and hold us to them.

  1. [1]The Holy Bible — Blue Letter Bible interlinear and lexicons

    Primary source for every lesson; Strong's and BDB/Thayer entries for word studies.

  2. [2]The Nicene-Constantinopolitan Creed (381) — full text and history, Britannica

    The doctrinal frame for the lessons on God, Christ and the Spirit.

  3. [3]N. T. Wright, lectures and articles archive (NTWrightPage)

    New Testament scholarship drawn on for the gospel, kingdom and resurrection lessons.

  4. [4]Catechism of the Catholic Church (Vatican) and the Westminster Confession of Faith

    Consulted side by side wherever a lesson describes how different traditions teach a doctrine.